You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
