John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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