yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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