I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
