why do cheetos always look like penises
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My life is pants optional.
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