I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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