The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
