I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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