did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
