i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
