I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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