I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Send help, water and tortillas.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
