I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
