My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
