Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
