Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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