I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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