and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I had to cum in my sink.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
