She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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