found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
