Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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