I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
True strength comes from lack of pants
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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