$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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