cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
