Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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