She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize