I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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