but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
