All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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