Swine flu. Run for my life!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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