Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
