It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
