i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
