you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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