are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
