Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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