Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize