i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
