Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
