this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
