I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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