I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
