I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He shit in the fireplace
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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