my phone needs a breathalizer
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
