when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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