so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
