woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He did a backflip because drugs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
