I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
