for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
