You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
