A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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