its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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