Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
