Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He kissed a someone with a penis
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
