i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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