Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
