Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
