Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
