i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize