i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
