Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
