I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
