i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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