Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
